An Optimist with a Stain Coat ... A Dozen Drizzle Dos and Don'ts

Am I seriously missing something here? Amnesia sort of hits us every year, mafeesh fayda!! Every winter when you wake up in the morning on the sound of drizzling rain, your mind just goes blank and all you wanna do is to breathe the misty air … then eventually, you end up on the street. Remember the tiny wicked raincloud that followed Pink Panther everywhere no matter where he hid? At the end he had to go to a shrink to get rid of the cloud!! So if you wanna spend a day goofing around in the rain, without the bit about the shrink, you gotta know what to do and what not to …

To start with, 7aga me7ayarany moot :- Why's everyone so sore about the weather report?? The problem is obviously all about communication. Ya gama3a you don’t understand … "ta7asson" means an outburst of rain, and "ertafa3" is obviously a chilling drop of temperature. Ya3ny plain misinterpretation, no more. But if you're no interpreter and have no clue about the secret code, you should always check Yahoo for the weather forecast.

Getting into the core, I recognized what someone had meant when they said, Egypt has a heart. Yep, wesst el balad ya3ny, where the mysteries remain unsolved. I wonder how GPS devices would manage around this place! So imagine, you're driving your car, we kollo beace and then the next thing you know you're ahead of a mysterious swamp. Rain or sewer, this is where you don't just need headlights for horizontal view, but you also need an ultrasonic to get a vertical vision. If you'd like to get an impression of how the submarine works, ettekal 3ala allah, and just drive through. Otherwise, you should keep reviewing your map of Cairo's most famous elevations and depressions … el matabbat ya3ny. That way you'll know the depth of the puddle.

It's sort of difficult though to master millions of bumps all over Cairo, ones that go up and others that go down. With limited knowledge, you'll need highly professional tactics to get across (and a bunch of spare parts!) Always approach a mysterious puddle from the sides. Preferably with an inline car, simply drive on the edges of the street which are usually designed to be higher than the middle (don't ask why!)

If it happens that you're an immature, and can't take maneuvers, you'll get driven into the puddle whether you like it or you don't. In that case, read your shahada, hold your breath and step on it!! If you're lucky enough, the splash will only splatter mud on your upper half. Next time you'll roll up your window, roll up your pants, and even tuck your tummy in! Bard, 7arr, the windows should be closed and the AC switched on, aho cool breeze wel salam. What did you think car fragrances that smell like sea breeze were made for??

But, like all good things, even a rainy day has been transformed by technological advances. Park your wheels and step out to enjoy the mist. With just a little caution, things should go great … unless someone's in a hurry :-S Yeah, that's when you discover raincoats are nothing more than regular outfits, lezoom el sheyaka. This situation can come in two versions, where you're "in" the car or "by" the car :)) If you're in the car, step on the gas and drench that dupe on foot … "loser"!! But if you are the dupe on foot, RUN for it!!

In spite of all this, there's someone who I stand up for on such days, the famous Do2do2 … el wad do2do2 beta3 7'alty negma … me3addy!! If you've driven before by midan rab3a after the rain, you should have witnessed a really innovative attempt to drain the flooding water. Amazing, with no water pumps, not even actual drains!! Just a bunch of workers bema2ashat sweeping the water around, dunno where to, but it seems 7ekaya!! That's why you should never underestimate a broom's capabilities.

Now you're thinking you wanna hit your breaks and turn in for a warm evening instead of all the rush; maybe you'll be able to save yourself some dignity. After all, what can be better than hot chocolate and a snuggle in front of TV. Unfortunately things don't ever go that way. Traditionally, when it rains in the city of seven million people, there's no TV signal, the phone's down, even the water's sometimes cut off. That's when you have to give up and go get dressed, then spend a soggy night out!! There's no need to get devastated; instead, sit and pray that we'd never need to shovel off any snow.